A Chosen Life

This photo was taken in our backyard. No changes were made to enhance color: this is natural.  I am always in awe of the designs and beauty of nature. How amazing is it that what is natural in the flower is programmed into its genetic code, but the environment will determine whether or not the flower lives up to its genetic potential? The interaction between nature and nurture resembles our human experience; however, unlike humans, the flower does not have the choice to decide how it will respond to its environment. Life seems so simple for the flower, as long as the environmental needs are met.

Why is it that humans seek more than our environmental needs? Even when all of our “needs” are met, we seek more. Sometimes we reject certain satisfaction of the needs of humanity in order to seek fulfillment of other needs. We have choices. What a privilege to have choices: what a burden to have choices! Every good choice in life has a corresponding effect that we might not enjoy as much. Many of these might not even make it into our conscious awareness because the positive outcomes are exponentially rewarding.

Humans have an underlying need to find and fulfill purpose in our lives. Erik Erikson describes two stages of human development as Generativity vs Stagnation and Integrity vs Despair. We reach middle adulthood and begin to wonder what we are doing that will have lasting value. How are we positively impacting the generations surrounding us? As we enter later adulthood, we have a need to look back on our lives with satisfaction, knowing we lived authentically to who and what we are. It makes me think of Sinatra’s song, I Did it My Way.

The flowers do not seek their purpose, it is designed in their DNA and they respond to their environment without decision. Humans respond to our environment with the understanding that we have choices and those choices will impact those around us and our future experiences. So, here we are. All of our needs are met. We could live out our lives right here, without changing much of anything, and we could be content. At the same time, it feels that there is something more. Particularly, I cannot shake the deep internal drive that keeps saying, you have something more to give. As a human, I realize that I will have to walk away from at least one thing (one thing in particular) that I have valued above many other aspects of life. That thing is predictability. To reach beyond the present toward greater things and to live up to what I believe I have to give could require letting go of some things I really appreciate and enjoy. I have to walk away from something I find so fulfilling to reach for something that I cannot see clearly. This sounds so crazy to me because I have planned for every step of my life. It feels we are at a crossroad. We can age here and be content; albeit, wondering what might have been. Or, we can jump out, use up some of our safety net, and pursue what seems to be calling us. One of the choices we have is how we interpret this crossroad – as an adventure to embrace or as a troubling change to avoid. We definitely do not want to reach the end of our lives and feel despair, knowing the opportunity to pursue more has passed and we will never know what our full potentials might have been.

One of our greatest abilities as humans is that we are capable of making choices. There are many times when we do not feel that we have a choice, or we  feel limited by the weight of the choice and subsequent behavioral changes. What was your first, immediate thought when you viewed the above photo? Did you immediately focus on the city of Buda seen through the arches?  Did you immediately give attention to the surrounding, near structure that limits full view of Buda?

I understand that you have the ability to see both the nearby structure and the city beyond. I just wonder if you can identify to which you are drawn or deterred. What does this mean to you? Think about your life situations, relationship dynamics, and decision-making patterns. As a human, with emotions, you likely have an impulsive response that is either positive or negative, with varying degrees of intensity. This is perfectly appropriate because you are human! Nonetheless, we must recognize our initial responses so that we can step back or step forward, whichever is your case, and understand the large and small, immediate and distant, aspects of our human experiences.  If you are a parent, it is helpful to know how your child/children view their world as well.

If you find that the arched wall seems to block your view or if the deterioration of the wall troubles you before you can really appreciate the city beyond the arches, you might be the type of person who has an immediate aversion to change, decisions, changes of plans, or new ideas. On the other hand, if you are drawn to the city beyond the arches then you might be one who gets caught up in looking beyond the obvious or troubling aspects of choices. Maybe you are the type of person who seeks light and positive, without feeling concerned about keeping a realistic view of the challenges of change. It could be that you did not even notice the facade that impedes your view because the view is so captivating to you.

Of course, you might be one who smiles because the beauty of the deteriorating wall just enhances the beauty of the city beyond. The process of change is the one thing that brings meaning to the change. Maybe you do not make changes just for the sake of change, as some do; however, you recognize that the process and discomfort is actually what facilitates joy and fulfillment. Life will have challenges, relationships will result in hurts and some brokenness, and decisions in one direction will mean the turning away from or letting go of something else you cherish. No matter your situation, if you just keep walking, keep moving forward toward what you believe you are to do, the journey will come together to create a mosaic of beauty that includes positive and negative, good and bad, old and new, as well as regret and redemption. You are human and this is our story of choice. Celebrate being human because the ultimate view of our life will be the one we choose. Challenge: Choose to see your life and humanity as a process of beauty.

What is it within humanity that sees sleep deprivation as a sign of strength and health? I know a family that consistently awakens its members who doze off during a movie with questions such as, “are you sleeping?!” The sentiment seems to be one of mockery and questioning the vitality of the sleeping individual. Sleep is necessary and refreshing. If you find that you fight sleep, take a minute to examine why. Is it because you do not like the subjects of your dreams? Is it because those moments as you drift off to sleep are troubling in some way? Is it because of some learned idea that suggests sleep is a waste of time? Whatever is your answer to these questions, release those and allow your mind to rest and sleep.

Take a 10 minute, guilt-free break. You can even set a timer if your time is that limited. Find a rocking chair or rock back and forth freestyle. Close your eyes, intentionally release whatever thoughts come to mind and breathe slow, deep breaths. If troubling thoughts come to mind, simply tell yourself that you can think of those things later but you are resting right now. I warn you that you will feel rather silly as you rock back and forth, particularly if you are not in a rocking chair. Just allow yourself to feel the calm of the rocking movement and maybe you will be able to even catch a few winks of sleep. Think of it, when you pick up a baby aren’t you rocking or moving in some repetitive motion within a short period of time?

Why do you think these seals are so relaxed and readily take to sleep and relaxation? The human mind is more developed, but I am not convinced the human mind is better. What if humans, as do these seals, were able to take life as it happens; only get angry if a fight is really needed; or only feel stress when there is an actual emergency that requires action? The human mind exerts much energy in interpreting events and providing meaning (real or not) to each life event. Our minds/thoughts can become so cluttered with these perceived meanings that we find it difficult to think beyond our emotions that are linked to the perceptions of events. It is often not the event or the associated emotion that is the greatest challenge; it is the cognitive/interpretive thoughts that impede healthy responses to life events and create the anxiety.  If you experience anxiety, seek out a Rapid Resolution Therapist who can teach you how to unclog the interpretive thoughts that act as an impediment and lead to anxiety.

 

 

 

Risk-taking has seldom been part of our mindset, much less our behavioral resume. Maybe an application for a job or for an academic program could be the most risky behavior to which we could refer. We are planners. There has not yet been a time in our lives that we did not prepare to enter; no reasonable event for which we did not have the resources allocated; no major life event about which we did not carefully and cautiously contemplate before proceding. Why? Because we are responsible! We take seriously that responsibility to be independent adults. We have never, and I mean never, asked our parents for money. I have always said, “I would have to be starving or living under a bridge before I asked my parents for money.” If they offer, I do not accept. If they force money for assistance on me, I will find a way to repay in whatever manner possible. So, with all of this responsibility in mind, we are stepping out into an unknown arena, without solid plans for success. We have made a decision to leave our entire life’s setting to present and follow our dreams for the future. We just feel there is more that we have been called to give, but we have no clear direction. The only direction we have at this time is that it is time to leave what is comfortable and follow the discomfort into the unknown.  Is this a step of faith, or would this be considered pure stupidity? You tell us…